Breathe, Don't Freeze! (10 Compassionate Ways to Help Someone in the First 30 Days After Their Loved One Has Died -- Instead of Ignoring Them)
Breathe, Don't Freeze! (10 Compassionate Ways to Help Someone in the First 30 Days After Their Loved One Has Died -- Instead of Ignoring Them)
When most people experience a sudden and unexpected loss, it knocks the wind out of them, disrupting everything that was once stable and secure in their lives.
In the days, weeks, and years ahead, your friend will experience grief. While everyone's grief is different, every grieving individual could use support. Support is the single thing you can do to make a difference and even help them survive this type of trauma over time.
People often freeze because they don't know how to support their friends and family, so they do nothing, hoping "it'll just get better in time." Well, people need help; they need support, and they need it from you. No, you don't have to be a therapist or a life coach to give grief support, but you must be patient, caring, compassionate, and empathetic—a kind human being.
Everyone grieves differently, so it's essential to be sensitive to your friend's needs and preferences. Adapt these suggestions based on their specific situation and the nature of your relationship.
Here are ten things you can do now:
1. Be Present: Show up for your friends and tell them you are there for them. Offer your presence and support, whether through physical presence or being available for them to talk or spend time together.
2. Listen with Empathy: Allow your friend to express their feelings, thoughts, and memories without interruption or judgment. Practice active listening and offer empathy, understanding, and validation to their emotions.
3. Provide Practical Support: Offer practical help with daily tasks or responsibilities that may feel overwhelming for your friend during this time. This can include cooking meals, running errands, helping with childcare, or assisting with funeral arrangements.
4. Offer Specific Assistance: Instead of asking, "Let me know if there's anything I can do," offer specific ways you can help. For example, you can say, "I'm here to help with grocery shopping this week," or "I can walk your dog in the mornings if you need a break."
5. Respect Their Grieving Process: Understand that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to mourn. Respect your friend's unique process and avoid imposing your expectations or timelines on their grief.
6. Share Memories: Encourage your friend to share memories and stories about their loved one. This can provide comfort and allow them to keep their loved one's memory alive.
7. Offer Space for Solitude: While being present is essential, also respect your friend's need for solitude and personal space. Allow them to have quiet moments to reflect, grieve, or be alone if they desire.
8. Be Patient and Non-Judgmental: Grief is a complex and individual experience that can be unpredictable. Be patient with your friend's emotions and reactions, and avoid judging or criticizing their feelings or actions.
9. Check-in: Reach your friend regularly to check on their well-being. Sending a thoughtful text message, giving them a call, or dropping by with a small gesture can show them that you care and are thinking of them.
10. Offer Resources and Support: Provide information about support groups, grief counseling services, or online resources that your friend may find helpful. Let them know that additional avenues of support are available to them if they need it.
Kinyatta E. Gray writes about grief and loss, and is the founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc, Flights In Stilettos, and InHer Bliss Life Coaching. Gray has design and released over 20 guided and blank journals for women, teens and men.