Stop Mourning for Likes. Start Showing Up for People.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness. But I will also call bullsh*t when I see it.

So I ask this gently, with love and honesty:

Is your grief support about connection or optics?

Do your words online reflect your care offline?

Performative grief is a real thing. It’s when mourning becomes more about public appearance than private compassion. It might look like heartfelt captions, throwback photos, or “miss you so much” posts while those closest to the loss feel invisible.

Here are some examples of Performative Grief Support:

1. Posting for Clout, Silence in Private

Sharing “I miss (insert your loved one's name) so much” online, but never messaging their remaining family to ask how they’re doing.

2. Mourning the Image, Not the Legacy

Talking about memories and moments without showing love to the people still living with the loss.

3. Sharing Photos, Avoiding Conversations

Posting old pictures and tagging others, yet ghosting the grieving loved ones who need support the most.

4. Making It About Themselves

“(Insert your loved one's name) meant so much to me” becomes the focus leaving out the deeper pain of those closest to her.

5. Avoiding the Reality of Loss

Skipping funerals, memorials, or hard conversations but still making space for public expressions of “ missing (insert your loved one's name).”

6. One-Time Gestures, No Ongoing Care

A sympathy comment once, and then never checking in again. True support is not a single moment; it’s a thread of presence.

7. Saying ‘Anything You Need,’ But Not Showing Up

Offering help in vague terms but disappearing when it’s time to be present, listen, or be there.

True grief support doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be profound. But it should be present. A message. A check-in. A moment of real care.

If you truly loved her, don’t forget the ones she left behind.

We are her legacy. We carry her heartbeat.