From Miss Bee's Daughter: What I Would Tell Any Grieving Woman Before She Hires A Grief Coach

I want to be clear about something before I share these tips.

I am not a grief coach. I made a deliberate decision not to practice in that capacity despite holding a Certified Master Life Coach credential, a credential I earned while actively grieving the loss of my mother, the late Beverly E. Carroll, Miss Bee.

That decision came from an honest reckoning with something the grief coaching space does not always talk about openly. Coaching while grieving creates a complicated dynamic for the coach and for the client. I recognized that my own unprocessed grief made me better suited to creating resources, products, and content for grieving women than to sitting across from one in a coaching relationship.

What that experience gave me and what I believe qualifies me to write this — is the rare dual perspective of someone who has been both inside the coaching process and deeply inside grief simultaneously.

These seven tips are not a criticism of grief coaches. Many are doing genuine and important work. They are simply what I would want a grieving woman I love to know before she makes this decision.

1. Ask how long they have been out of their own significant grief before they began coaching others.

This is the question almost nobody asks and it is arguably the most important one. A coach who began practicing while still in the acute season of their own loss may be bringing unresolved material into the room with you. That is not always intentional. But it is worth knowing. There is no universally correct answer — but the question itself and how they respond to it will tell you a great deal.

2. Understand the difference between a grief coach and a grief therapist before you choose.

A grief coach is not a licensed mental health professional. Coaching is forward focused — it helps you identify goals and move toward them. Therapy is clinically trained to address trauma, complicated grief, depression, and the psychological dimensions of loss. Neither is better than the other. But they serve different needs and a grieving woman deserves to know which one she actually needs before she invests in either.

3. Ask about their coaching philosophy specifically around timelines.

If a grief coach speaks in timelines — if they suggest that grief should be moving in a particular direction by a particular point — walk away. Grief does not operate on a schedule. A coach who does not understand that at a fundamental level cannot serve a grieving woman with integrity regardless of their credentials.

4. Notice whether they make space for later grief or only acute grief.

Most grief support — coaching included — is designed for the first year. The acute season. The obvious devastation. But later grief — the quiet years, the becoming years, the years when the world has moved on and you are still navigating something real — is equally significant and far less supported. Ask your potential coach how they work with clients who are years into their loss rather than months.

5. Ask what their own relationship to grief looks like.

Not to pry. But because a coach who has never experienced significant loss is working from theory. And a coach who experienced loss but has never done their own grief work is potentially working from projection. Neither is necessarily disqualifying. But knowing where they are coming from helps you understand what lens they will bring to your experience.

6. Trust your nervous system in the first conversation.

Your body knows things your mind has not yet processed. If a first conversation with a potential grief coach leaves you feeling unheard, rushed, or subtly pressured toward a particular version of healing — that is information. The right grief coach should make you feel seen in the first exchange. Not fixed. Not redirected. Seen.

7. Know that you do not have to be coached to heal.

This is the tip I wish someone had offered me. Coaching is one path. It is not the only path and it is not always the right one for every grieving woman at every stage of her journey. Journaling, community, ritual, creative expression, honest conversation — healing takes many forms. A good grief coach will tell you this. One who suggests that their coaching is the primary vehicle for your healing deserves scrutiny.

I built Honoring Miss Bee because I believed grieving women deserved something that met them where they actually were — not where a coaching framework said they should be. Eight years into my own grief journey I still believe that.

Choose wisely. You deserve someone in your corner who can hold your grief without making it about their own.

Kinyatta Gray , Honoring Miss Bee , LLC honoringmissbee.org